Lessons in engagement - introduction

I decided to write about some of the things I've learned because of mine and Jesse's engagement, but first I had to write a little background information on our engagement. The relationship is an entirely different story. :-)

- - - -

When Jesse and I first got engaged, we chose not to tell people right away. We told our family members and our close friends but asked them not to go and blab it to the world. We didn't care if they did tell people, we just didn't want it to be a huge deal and the next piece of gossip to travel around the community.

This is the way we did our courting/dating relationship as well; we didn't want to draw attention to ourselves and wanted to focus more on learning about each other and keeping God the center or our relationship before we had to deal with the judgment and opinions of others. Because we chose not to advertise our relationship, at the time of our engagement (and perhaps even now) there were still people who didn't realize we had actually been in a relationship for the past 18 months. In fact, I've still had people come up to me in the past month or two and tell me, "I just heard the news! Congratulations, when is the big day?!" We have been engaged for almost exactly 10 months.

We didn't make a our relationship "Facebook official" until 8 months after we'd already been together because Jesse was going off to college in Arkansas. We thought it be a good preventative measure and deterrence for people who added us on Facebook while we were apart. The hope was that they would see we're in a relationship and any interest in either Jesse or me would dissolve after they saw we were in a relationship (that was the idea anyway, but now I'm not naive enough to count on that). We made our engagement Facebook official about two months after our actual engagement date, I believe.

Another part of the reason we chose not to tell people we were engaged right away was because we wanted to have some time to think through our future together and to get an idea of what both of us wanted for our wedding and our marriage. We knew that the minute people discovered we were getting married, they would start giving us advice and ideas on what we should and shouldn't do, telling us we couldn't do things the way we wanted to, giving us budget advice, etc. We both understand the people are trying to be helpful, but it is so overwhelming sometimes! I really do like getting advice, just not all at once, and generally not when I haven't asked for it. Recently, I went to Wal-mart to buy some Valentine's M&Ms for our wedding that were 50% off. Since I bought so many bags, the cashier and the customer in front of me were giving me funny looks, and it made me feel as though I owed some sort of explanation. "I'm buying these for a wedding."

The bewildered expression on their face turned into relief and they both told me what a wonderful idea that was, and how cheap it was to buy them this way. I nodded my head, and the customer in front of me left with her purchases. Now it was just the cashier, my sister, and me. After the cashier found out it was for MY wedding, she began spouting out tons of decorating ideas to me. I just nodded my head, agreed with her, asked her a few questions, and left, thanking her for the ideas I was probably not going to use.

That's what I mean - I had just met this lady and she wanted to share all her ideas with me. But because I didn't know her and would never see her again, I was able to just walk away from her and tell her thanks. People just love to share advice, opinions, and ideas, even when it's not asked for. It's so much harder to discuss wedding plans with people I know because I feel like I owe them something. I have a hard time saying "no thanks," or "That's a good idea, but I don't think it will work for our wedding" because these people are a part of my life! I don't want to offend them or shut them down completely, because they do have really good ideas, I just don't always want them, or like them. It's so hard finding a balance between being open and gracious and being firm and decisive, especially when little stuff like this really doesn't matter. Unfortunately, it just grates on a person after some time.

- - - - -

That's all for now. :-) I must say, though, the opinions expressed in this blog are only mine, not necessarily Jesse's. Also, I hope you don't ever get the impression that I think the way Jesse and I did our relationship is the only way to do it. This is how God worked it out for us, and that's all. :-)

Couscous

Here's a recipe I made yesterday. I made a few changes, but it's pretty much the same thing.
Overall, I really enjoyed the recipe. I'd give it about a 4 star. Or, an A-. :-)

Couscous
Serves 5

1 cup couscous
1 3/4 cup chicken broth (or add 1-2 cubes of chicken boullion to water)
2 tablespoons oil for sautéing
1 red bell pepper, diced
1/4 of a white onion
4 cloves minced garlic, or to taste
1 can diced tomatoes
1 tablespoon dried basil
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
Black pepper to taste
2-3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar, or to taste
Parmesan cheese to sprinkle on top

**** I definitely would use fresh basil, if you have any. The dish would burst with flavor, freshness, and deliciousness. The original recipe calls for 1 cup fresh basil instead of the dried herbs, but I think that would be too much.
**** Also, I tried it both with and without Parmesan cheese. The difference was minimal. Next time I probably won't use any.



1. Bring chicken broth to a boil. Add couscous and bring back to a boil. Cover and remove from heat. After 5-10 minutes, fluff with fork. This can left alone for some time.

2. Dice pepper, onion, and garlic, then sauté them in oil over low to medium heat until they reach the desired tenderness (I personally don't like mine to be mushy).











3. Add the herbs, tomatoes, and pepper to the sautéed mixture. Bring to a simmer.

4. Combine couscous with tomato mixture. Place in casserole dish and splash the balsamic vinegar on top. Cook in oven at 350 for about 20 minutes. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on before serving.





**** It isn't necessary to cook in oven. I found though, that it helps the couscous to absorb the flavors better. It tastes just as good or better as leftovers.

Empty

I yearn for more.

My thirst is never quenched.

Yet, I am always filled and always overflowing.

How can this be?

What is your life?

The more I think about it, the more amazed I become at just how nothing I really am.

The years that I've lived have flown by so quickly. A few days ago I realized that I have lived about a quarter of my life already, according to statistics. Maybe I'll die tomorrow, maybe I'll die in eighty years. But truly, in the broad scope of things, what does it really matter? I'm only here for a short time; a day or a century, it's really all the same.

I realize there's so much to do; I have so many plans and dreams for myself, yet there's too little time to complete them all in. These revelations have caused me to take a step back and examine my life.

What is it that I really want in my life? What is it that I value most? What do I, in all honesty, want to do with myself for the rest of my life? Are my hours on Facebook really that important? In fifty years am I going to remember and be pleased with my researching the use of unsalted vs. salted butter in baking? Is that how I want to live my life?

Indeed, it is not. I'm glad you agree with me and visibly note the futility of such vain and empty arguments. Yes, I do find certain satisfaction for a few moments when I find evidence to prove my position and hence win the argument, but I am ultimately left more dissatisfied than I was before. Those few moments of pleasure are not worth the hours of research nor the relationships I damage through my own pride and self-confidence and know-it-allness.

I don't want to live in regret of wasted time and wasted opportunity. I'm so sick of sitting, waiting, and learning. I'm no longer satisfied with playing a life of defense. It's time for me to get on the offense. I now realize that's one change I need to make in my life.

After contemplation, I think I finally know what it is that I want to do for the rest of my life. How long will it take for me to get there? How many times will I fail along the way? I don't know, but I can guarantee you that I won't be able to count them on all my fingers and toes. I now have new goals set for myself, ones that I will be pleased with today, tomorrow, and fifty years from now.

Best of all?

I'm dreaming bigger than I ever have before.

- Janna

"For I am a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."

ONE Church

This is something God's been pressing on my lately. . . over and over and over again. . .

"The reason the world of today is not listening to the message of the church is not because the message is not vital and alive and meaningful. Rather, it is because we do not back up that message with our lives. Our steeples are raised high, but our doors are closed. Our sermons every Sunday morning and our Bible studies through the week are preached and conducted for the benefit of ourselves, scrutinizing Scripture rather than living it, seeking to increase our knowledge rather than change our behavior. Our ceaseless activities more resemble those of widespread social clubs than an effort to live out the revolutionary, fateful, and sobering thirteen verses at the end of Matthew 25." -- Editor Michael Phillips


I just watched this video and it pretty much summarizes everything God's been speaking to me.




-Janna

God?

I shake my head in wonder that the Greeks’ polytheistic worldview. How can they worship these gods who can be killed, deceived, are not omniscient, are not in complete control, and are limited by both time and space? I can’t comprehend their logic and faith. To me, this defies the very definition of god – a being that isn’t limited by his own creation and is in control of all things rather than being controlled by anything. He does things for his own perfect purpose, desires all things to be perfect, and is the ultimate authority. He is infinite and is not confined by the laws of time and space. This is how I define “god.” I don’t understand how anyone could lower their standards and worship anything less than this while continuing to love and respect them. For example, when I traveled in India for a month, I saw many Hindu temples, one with a tiny lump of wood. This is that the locals sacrificed and prayed to. How can a person be so blind as to worship something created by human hands? Where’s the glory and power in this?

However, I realized that often times we make or strive for things that become our own personal “gods.” They control and consume our minds, our lives, and our actions, and become our “lords,” which is just another word for a boss, or someone in authority. What were once goals, we have now become dependent upon and define us. Yet, somehow we have the nerve to laugh at the Greeks and their gods, claiming they had a primitive state of mind. Perhaps it’s about time we removed the plank from our own eye.

Pride

Explanation: I just read The Illiad for literature class and had to write and journal entry.

One trend I observed throughout The Illiad was the destructive consequences of pride and selfishness that ultimately led to pain, conflict, and unjust suffering. These consequences affect not only the person who was the original source of arrogance, but an innumerable amount of people. For example, the book begins with Agamemnon being too prideful to admit that he had done wrong. When confronted about it by the Seer, he made excuses for his actions before accusing the Seer of being wrong and unfair. Why? Because what the Seer said was not beneficial to him. This attitude seems to be an unfortunate disease in our society. Less and less people seem to be taking responsibility for their actions. If a person makes a mistake, there’s always an excuse or blame can be pushed onto someone else as being the main contributor. If we see that we’ve hurt someone, either emotionally or physically, we justify our actions and claim that somehow the victim deserved it – maybe they hurt us first and we sought revenge. I know that I have hurt countless friends, family members, and acquaintances through my rude, selfish, prideful, self-seeking actions and attitude. How much longer will we go on considering ourselves better and more important than others in our lives, never realizing the damage we have inflicted? Will we be like Achilles who was unwilling to forgive the pride of Agamemnon, which in turn caused Achilles to be prideful? His lack of response resulted in the unnecessary loss of lives. Will the breaking point come only from the death or injury, physical or emotion, of a loved one? Is it only then that we will look in the mirror and realize the damage our prideful heart has done, costing the lives of innocent people, mere bystanders in the fight against ourselves? Is it only then that we will finally be broken enough to surrender our pride?