Confession

I have a confession: I am not perfect. I make mistakes, I fail, I hurt people, I say things when I shouldn't, I have sinful thoughts. . . you know, I could probably write several books as to why I'm not perfect.

I thought about this a lot last semester, due to God revealing some things to me. It's really caused me to stop and think about who I am, who I'm representing, and how I'm portraying this to the people in my life.

Who am I? I am a sinner, saved by grace, through faith given to me by God. I am to represent Christ, to set an example for others, through my life, my love, my faith, and my purity. My actions and attitude should mirror those of Christ. Far too often I fail at this, and it's usually when I'm trying to do things on my own instead of allowing Christ's love to flow from me.

Anyway. Last semester I had the opportunity of watching friends in various situations that arose in me a variety of different thoughts and emotions. It really began to discourage and disgust me that people could so willingly, so easily discuss their beliefs and faith, yet refuse to practice and live out what they said. I got a bit resentful, thinking, "Yes, you've said 8 times now that you believe in God, you're a Christian, but so what? The demons do too. What difference does believing make in your life?" I began to judge them, desiring to be the one to deliver to them a revelation: "The way you're living and acting is giving just as much honor and reverence to God as the demons actions are. There is no fear of God before their eyes. Yet, you expect to come before the throne of God and be accept by him, he whom you have rejected over and over again through your actions, your attitudes, your words, your lifestyle, etc. How can you claim to love God, yet live a life in rebellion to him? There's no such thing as partial obedience."
- "You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of the demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons." 1 Corinthians 10:21 NIV

I suppose it was fake lifestyles that exasperated me. I got tired of the complaining that surrounded me. "We are to do everything without complaining or arguing, in order to be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation. . . in which we shine like the stars of the universe as we hold the word of life." How are we to respond to the things in life that we don't like? "We are to rejoice in the LORD always." "Our gentleness is to be evident to all." "The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Why are we, humans, so afraid to live out our faith? Why do we fear earthly consequences? Our citizenship is in heaven. If God is for us, who can be against us? Whom shall we fear? Why, why are we so afraid to live out the life given to us so abundantly? Like Maggie Harden said, if God asks/tells us to do something for him, he is not going to turn around and ditch us, leaving us alone to fend for ourselves. No, he'll be there with us, he will provide for us and will sustain us even when it gets hard; nothing is too great or difficult for God. Why are we afraid of people and persecution? Do we fear rejection by temporary man more than we fear rejection by the eternal, sovereign God? Do we fear persecution? God will be there with us, he will never leave us nor forsake us. God knows our pain. To be persecuted, mentally or physically, is an honor. "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" I like what Paul says, preach out of love. The important thing is that Christ is preaches. Without being frightened by any who oppose you . . granted to you on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Phil 1:9.

Again, why do so few of us neglect living out our faith in Christ Jesus? Why do we fearlessly profess but fearfully live? I want people to know me as a disciple through my love, my actions, my faithfulness, my words, my attitude, my gentleness, etc. I don't want to be labeled, I simply want to be. I want to fulfill the desires of God for my life, for me individually as well as that which he's asked of everyone, which is to preach the gospel to all the world - by preaching out of love - to win souls for him and bring glory to him in all that I do. Christ's sacrifice has opened a door, a pathway for me to do great things for God. . . but only through Christ who has strengthened me. But instead, I sit back and do nothing. I knock on a door, waiting for it to be opened, but when God finally opens it, I stand back, not trusting God enough to step beyond the frame of the door and into the abundant promises and plans he has for me. I too am guilty.